2011

Jamie and I are going our separate ways, but are forever bonded by two beautiful and amazing children that I no longer get to see every day. So the last month has been the most trying, frustrating, complicated, and difficult time of my 33 years. For the first time in almost 14 of those years, my future is shrouded with uncertainty, yet it is full of hope, and I am impatiently anticipating every moment for better or worse.

The ordeal is far from over, and am told there are more low spots ahead. I just hope to circumnavigate some of them, take the others and learn, then come out with a better support system, a healthy mind and body, and with happy, understanding children.

I have not been preparing this off-season for the onslaught of Ironman Wisconsin training that should begin shortly. This leaves me quite uneasy about my racing future. I could theoretically prepare in time, but not likely satisfyingly as I hope to spend half of my days with my kids, and don't know how that dynamic is going to affect my willingness to train 10-15 hours a week. Had I not already paid my Ironman entry, this would become a year of smaller, easily achievable goals.

From someone I care a great deal about, and respect immensely, I have picked up a 2011 resolution to "talk less, say more", which sort of sums up my new theory in general... vowing to savor what's important with more passion, and let go of more that isn't. My time and effort has become too precious to get frustrated or occupied by so many of the things I used to obsess over. I plan to enjoy those who love me, and love them back with an entirely renewed commitment, and more importantly; learn to love and respect myself again.

This year I will grow my balls back, regain lost swagger, and become the man and father that I have always known to exist within.