Farewell

Time for a fresh start. Those that need to know will be informed of where they can find me.

The last post on the subject.

In the last several days I have been called:

• stupid
• arrogant
• douchebag
• dumbfuck
• pompous
• ego-loving
• jackass
• Captain Jackoff
• and more

I have deserved every single one of them. I have a lot of regrets, all of which I have apologized for. Some profusely, but what I don't regret is doing something about a situation that was making me extraordinarily unhappy. It's just too bad I had to drag other people into it. If I could go back and handle some things differently, I probably would, but what I wouldn't do is change what I think lies ahead. Through the cloudiness is a big, bright light, and I'm kicking and scratching my way toward it, but picking up a lot of wounds along the way.

I've even been pseudo-impersonated, I think, which isn't helping matters. Honestly, I just want to be a dad, run, ride my bike, and move on with my personal life. Forgive me if you can, give me a chance if you can't, and understand that there are two sides to every story if you will, please.

If your judgement is complete, then I have no need for you, so your opinion doesn't matter... keep it to yourself. Two wrongs do not make a right.

I'm going for a run...

2011

Jamie and I are going our separate ways, but are forever bonded by two beautiful and amazing children that I no longer get to see every day. So the last month has been the most trying, frustrating, complicated, and difficult time of my 33 years. For the first time in almost 14 of those years, my future is shrouded with uncertainty, yet it is full of hope, and I am impatiently anticipating every moment for better or worse.

The ordeal is far from over, and am told there are more low spots ahead. I just hope to circumnavigate some of them, take the others and learn, then come out with a better support system, a healthy mind and body, and with happy, understanding children.

I have not been preparing this off-season for the onslaught of Ironman Wisconsin training that should begin shortly. This leaves me quite uneasy about my racing future. I could theoretically prepare in time, but not likely satisfyingly as I hope to spend half of my days with my kids, and don't know how that dynamic is going to affect my willingness to train 10-15 hours a week. Had I not already paid my Ironman entry, this would become a year of smaller, easily achievable goals.

From someone I care a great deal about, and respect immensely, I have picked up a 2011 resolution to "talk less, say more", which sort of sums up my new theory in general... vowing to savor what's important with more passion, and let go of more that isn't. My time and effort has become too precious to get frustrated or occupied by so many of the things I used to obsess over. I plan to enjoy those who love me, and love them back with an entirely renewed commitment, and more importantly; learn to love and respect myself again.

This year I will grow my balls back, regain lost swagger, and become the man and father that I have always known to exist within.

On hiatus.

I don't have a lot of followers... this has always been about accountability. Not entertainment. I tried once or twice to make it about something more, but really it's about posting and living up to goals, and holding myself accountable for those goals. It gets deeper, as running and triathlon are a real part of me. They are not something to blog about, or get free shit for blogging about, but articulating how it's my therapy, and my passion is not easy to do effectively. I just have to trust that you, or anyone at all understands that it's an emotional attachment that holds some of the highest regard in my heart. I need it for me. Without multisport, all I would have is family. Family is paramount, but right now it's why I need the running. I just don't need the blogging.

So this will be my last post for the year. Maybe longer. Maybe forever. Not sure. I've got other shit to do and take care of for a while.

Thanks for reading.

That was like, "easy" or something.

Ever have those days? The ones where you feel like you could run forever? Fueled by a perfect combination of nutrition, sleep, well planned workout scheduling, some other mythical balance, or even by some intense emotions or frustrations? Well yeah, I had one of those days. I could have run a marathon today, fortunately (for my legs tomorrow) I was saved from that mistake by a daddy-daughter date. Lunch at Red Robin and Tangled, which by the way, I'm not afraid to admit is a cute movie. I'm a sucker for a Disney tale.

What's the longest you've ever run unplanned? I think I did a 15 once when I was supposed to do a 9, but I'm not sure. I usually bail on that feeling because I'm worried about it screwing me up moving forward.

Early December, 2010 Update

After some pretty extensive downtime (I still ran nearly every day, and rode on a few that I didn't), I've got my first double-digit mileage run ahead of me (this morning) since the Lakefront Marathon, which was on October 3rd. It's part of my build-up to the InStep Indoor Half Marathon in January. It's been about a 2-month "break". Know what's exciting to me about this run? That I plan to run it at a pace faster than any treadmill training run I've done at of this distance or more. Train faster to race faster, right? No, I know it's not that simple, but with a weekly tempo session and a speed session, cranking up the long runs should only prove to results in faster times on race day. Yep... treadmill. We got blasted with 4-5 inches of snow yesterday, and the streets aren't really clear yet. I'd rather run to the drone of music and machinery than risk a slip that could cause me to crack my skull open.

Ray's Indoor Mountain Bike Park in Milwaukee is set to open soon after a delay, due to some permits or something. I'll be hitting it up on the weekend of January 7-9, and hopefully not make a fool out of myself for posessing limited technical skills, but I'll whoop a few of those stunt kiddies around the cross country course after say, a few dozen laps.

How did my 2010 goals go?

November is drawing to a close. We're far enough into the year to evaluate progress on my goals set forth for 2010.

1. Be a more patient father. Parenting is hard.
2. Be less cranky. Lately.
3. Eat more paleo. On and off. Fail overall.
4. Limit my soda/caffeine intake. Hard core fail.
5. Be more financially responsible. Check.
6. Incorporate more speed work. Failed at first, but now I'm back on the bandwagon.
7. PR the 5K, Half Marathon, Marathon, and Half Ironman. "Check" on all.
8. Spend more time on the bike for FUN. Fail.
9. Race less often but with more gratification. Check.
10. Incorporate organic strength building movements. On and off, but back on the bandwagon.
11. Stop popping/cracking knuckles/joints so much. A bit.
12. Increase revenue (work). For a different employer, but "check".
13. Try something challenging/new. I have absolutely achieved this on many levels this year, but athletically, I kind of bailed on the "something new".

Late additions:
14. Simplify (less "grid").
15. Go get at least one of those tats I've been wanting (incl. an M-Dot logo or "140.6" tat., plus some personals).
16. Make it through December with my sanity (both kids birthdays are December, plus the holidays).